dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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