I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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