I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
