sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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