This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
