i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
my liver is dry heaving
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
