I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
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Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
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had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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