sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
