I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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