He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
