The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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