What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
