just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
