I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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