i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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