What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
