Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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