I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Acid is not a monday night drug
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
