It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
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