My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
