Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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