dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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