fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
