I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
