I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
