i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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