A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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