There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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