I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
