I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
