Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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