In the future we'll all be gay
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
