he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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