Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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