1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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