Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
are you so shy because you have an std?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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