Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
smell my finger.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
