think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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