I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
