im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize