how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize