Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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