hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
