Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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