I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
