so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
