remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
