there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
