If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
