u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
