I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
