I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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