Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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