I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
