I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
