Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize