Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
